#1. A Letter Never Sent

Dear Veronica, My Love,

This night, seated in fragrant candlelight, as I write, I hear the wind that whistles outside. The pitter-patter of rain on the panes unsettles me. The candles flicker often, the flames dance and the shadows leap and dive in my little study. Despite the night's noise, I hear loud and clear, a certain silence. Water caresses the panes and I feel the storm outside, but even as I'm aware of the tempest, I feel stillness all around. Each time I look at the armchair besides the burning fire, I see you there, smiling peacefully. Then the fire hisses and crackles and then you fade away slowly.The smile lingers longer and rends my heart as it dissolves. Oh! Don't mind if the ink spreads, my dear- it's only one little tear. I miss you, that's all.

It feels bare without a hand on my shoulder. It feels silent without hot breath on my ears. It feels cold without arms around me. It feels lonely without a hand holding mine. It feels melancholy without a smile that stays. It feels still altogether without you, love. The music, the colours, the sun and the spring, the ringing laughter, the fruits and the birds, are all lost to me. It feels hollow without you, love.

The world goes on, night comes, night goes, seasons change, I turn calenders, but the cold doesn't  go. The winter is in my heart, dear and it refuses to set. I tried to turn over leaves, but spring won't come. I know myself to be fading. I feel myself perishing. If I dissolve, may I dissolve to where you are, and may my smile linger peacefully behind for a while as well. Wherever you are, wherever you go, be at calm, don't abandon smile- I'll find you, my love.

With withering heart and wavering hands I write to you. I miss you much and I love thee true.

Happy anniversary, love. See? I remember.

Yours for ever and a day, Brian